As I sat at the Lion’s Park C-Train station, a woman reading a hardcover novel with an oversized photograph of a nameless author on the back cover, sat next to me. The photo struck me as a particularly pompous maneuver by the book’s publishers. I couldn’t help but appreciate the juxtaposition of ideals as I waited for a man who, despite having his own online curry review and his own blog, refused to have his photo posted on either website.

Ren was predictably late but when he eventually did pick me up, he expressed his devout hunger and excitement about a new curry house in Kincora. After whipping home to change out of his work clothes, we were off to Wickedchili.ca to try out the goods. My first impression of the restaurant’s name was that it was completely unoriginal. The owners of Greenchili.ca have an established presence here in Calgary with 4 locations. If they aren’t associated with this new restaurant, I’m sure they can’t be happy about the name. (matt)

Judging by their website, Wicked Chili is planning to take the Calgary curry scene by storm. They appear to be openly looking for investors, staff, and even existing restaurants to purchase and convert to the Wicked Chili way of doing business. I can't say I like that idea. Partly due to the fact that I'm now writing this after eating there and I have a pretty good idea of what the "wicked chili way of doing business" is.....and partly because I am very fond of the mom-and-pop styled curry joint and don't really think we need a bunch of mini-corporations throwing their collective weight around to the detriment of food quality. (ren)

We pulled into the strip mall. Judging from the restaurant’s sign it was clear that they had only just opened recently. It appeared to be located next to the Vietnamese Green Papaya. To say that things didn’t bode well from the start would be an understatement. We walked in and were instantly confused. There wasn’t a single ounce of Indian decor in the place. The walls were lined with photos of what we debated to be either Japanese or Chinese themes. The 2 or 3 staff in the restaurant seemed to be related to the photos’ subjects. We thought we had walked into the wrong restaurant until a young Asian teenager invited us to sit next to the staple of the gringo friendly curry house, the buffet table.

We could smell curry and we could see curry in the buffet but admittedly we were still a bit flabbergasted by the distinctly un-Indian experience that the environment was providing. But then we saw a man eating a noodle bowl at a table on the far side of the restaurant. Soon after, we noted people were coming in through a second entrance. Then we noted the characteristic Pho related sauces and advertisements for bubble tea. It took us a few minutes to put things together. Embarrassingly, we concluded that the photos on the wall were not in fact Japanese or Chinese but possibly Vietnamese in nature. Green Papaya and Wickedchili.ca were being run out of the same kitchen! What the hell!?! This was a clear first for Dodgycurry.ca (matt)

From the outside (as you can probably see from the pic) it looks like Wicked Chili and Green Papaya are separate entities in the mall, with the indian joint being much smaller than the vietnamese one. However as mentioned, it opens up into one very large interior that apparently used to belong solely to Green Papaya. I wonder if there was some kind of armed hostilities that resulted in the indian restaurant muscling into the space. Maybe they made them an offer they couldn't refuse. Who knows. (ren)

“Dhal is lentils”

The grand scope of bizarreness surrounding this dining experience had only started to reveal itself to us when the first true Indian looking staff member came out of the kitchen to conduct what we concluded to be, the shortest job interview ever. In the middle of the dining room he met with another Indian man for a sum total of 1 min. It appeared to us that the man was a successful candidate. He didn’t seem too excited and left shortly thereafter. Following the interview, the manager got up and went to the buffet table where he appeared to give some the Southeast Asian staff, including the young teenager, an in-service on the difference between dhal and beef curry. (matt)

Coincidentally, I received a Wickedchili.ca menu in my mailbox the day we planned on going. However it seems the must have thoroughly peppered north central calgary with these as throughout our meal, there was a steady stream of caucasian suburbanite families coming to have their first taste of authentic indian cuisine. Gotta give those kids some culture you know. And subtitled bollywood movies are way too racy, so the cultural assimilation will have to come through the belly. (ren)

“Dhal is lentils. Naan is bread”

When the young Asian girl with braces came to our table a few moments later to take our order we knew we were in trouble:

“I’ll have the Shahi Paneer and Naan”, I said
“Sorry, which item?”
“Shahi Paneer and Naan.”
A confused look from the waitress persisted.
“Menu items 11a and number 42 please”, I clarified.

When you have to order naan by number in an Indian restaurant you know you’re in trouble. I think I actually had to tell the waitress that “naan” was bread. As such, Ren and his fiancé decided on buffet. We also got mango lassis which were excellent although the bendy straw and toothpick umbrella made me feel childish.

Ren and his date waited as long as they could before going to the buffet. They were well into their second go-around at the buffet table when the manager came over to ask how things were going. I explained I wasn’t eating because I was still waiting for my ala carte Shahi Paneer. He seemed content with this answer and sped off to the next table. I noted he had a profoundly bandaged thumb and while I enviously watched my dining mates dig into their food, I imagined numerous gruesome scenarios that could account for his thumb injury. (matt)

What worried me the most about the menu was that there were a couple items that were number ....-"a". Really, for starters, you don't need to have your menu numbered for eating in. Worst case scenario, the person can point to the item if they really can't pronounce the name recognizably. It's barely necessary for phone-in orders. It's pretty rare that someone's connection is so bad that you can't pick out what they're saying. And who blindly orders indian food for the first time as a take-out? But, wicked chili decided to leave the numbering system. And when they noticed they had forgotten to put shahi paneer in the vegetarian section, rather than having to re-number everything after that they added it in as 11a. Like I said, there were a few of these addendum. Not very professional, and not a good sign of things to come seeing as they'd just opened. (ren)

“Dhal is lentils. Naan is bread. Paneer is cheese.”

When my Shahi Paneer arrived, it had a distinct absence of cheese. To say that it had no cheese would not do the situation justice. To say that the dish was spiced potatoes would be more accurate. By this time Ren was on his third plate. I was beginning to see the rationale for restaurants who either only do buffet or only ala carte, not both at the same time. I complained to the manager about the paneer. To his credit, he explained that the wait staff had entered 10a, instead of 11a, on the meal ticket and thus I ended up with Jeera Aloo instead of the appropriate Shahi Paneer. He did a good job attempting to resolve the situation, giving us the very tasty Jeera Aloo for no charge and also allowing me to eat anything off the buffet at no charge while the kitchen prepared a Shahi paneer for me. This would have been okay had the buffet not been picked over by all the “gringos” who had come out from the safety of their neighbouring suburban homes in Kincora for an authentic Vietnamese-Indian experience with their 2.4 kids. I’m sure in a few weeks time someone at work will tell me about “a great new Indian restaurant that just opened near their house in Kincora”. I’ll smile; thank them for the tip and then make a mental note of whose SUV is responsible for global warming. After that, I’ll take the C-Train to Bubly’s. (matt)

Sometimes when doing these reviews I feel like the guy who wrote the 2-word review for Spinal Tap's album "Shark Sandwich". (watch the video if you don't know what the review said). I just want to dismiss them and move on to a good meal. The nicest thing I can say about the buffet itself was that there was a fairly decent selection, and the items were supplemented throughout the meal with fresh-cooked stock. There was a beef curry that was acceptable. What's with beef curry lately? I seem to keep eating it everywhere despite my continual warnings to others to avoid it like the plague it is. However, I don't think goat curry would be a hot seller in the Kincora area, so I understand the choice. There was dhal, that was boring....as is to be expected. Mostly though, I remember the butter chicken. It was possibly the worst butter chicken I have ever eaten. There was no cream flavour at all. It tasted like they had thrown some chunks of unseasoned chicken into Cambell's tomato soup stock. Was this some sort of Warholian statement? No, I doubt it. This was just poor performance. No more, no less. (ren)

“I said Paneer is Cheese Damn It!”

I had just sat down with a small serving of a rather poor butter chicken from the buffet when my replacement Shahi Paneer arrived. When I inspected the Shahi Paneer, it had a distinct absence of cheese. To say that it had no cheese would not do the situation justice. To say that the dish was butter chicken would be more accurate. In front of me on one plate was a portion of butter chicken from the buffet that I was eating even though I had no desire to do so. And now, next to the first plate was a second giant pot of the same crappy butter chicken. When made aware of the mistake the waitress apologized, put the butter chicken in a to-go container and gave it to me at no charge. Five minutes later my second replacement Shahi Paneer arrived, but I was too angry to eat it. (matt)

There's nothing you can really do but laugh at matty's misfortune. Especially humorous is the fact that the tastiest dish of the entire meal was sent to us by accident. The jeera aloo was delicious. I would highly recommend this dish. Except that if you order it, you probably have a good chance of getting something else altogether. The shahi paneer was one of the worst shahi paneers I have ever tasted. (repetition intentional) There was no cream flavour at all. It tasted like they had thrown some chunks of unseasoned paneer into Cambell's tomato soup stock. Was this some sort of Warholian statement? No, I doubt it. This was just poor performance. No more, no less. I've often described shahi paneer to curry noobies as "basically butter chicken with cheese instead of chicken", however if you ever order both at the same time, you'll notice that the sauces are usually fairly different. The paneer dish tends to be even creamier and less tomato-ey than the butter chicken. However at wicked chili they seem to use the exact same sauce for both. If they hadn't given us back matty's butter chicken, I would have assumed they'd pulled a fast one and strained the chicken from the first dish and thrown in a handful of paneer. (ren)

We paid shortly thereafter and I threw the shitty to-go butter chicken into a nearby garbage bin. Not because the dish was lackluster but because I had to find some way to take back the dignity that had been stolen from me at Wickedchili.ca.(matt)

I signed the guest book with a promise that a review would be up shortly on dodgycurry.ca .... Well here it is folks. We took a little longer than we'd planned, to try to let time wash away our bitterness about the experience. However as you can probably tell, we're still pretty unimpressed. (ren)

While there are learning curves for any restaurant, there are some basics that simply cannot be overlooked. Staff, even if not well versed on the menu, must at minimum have an understanding on basic terminology. Until then, we cannot in all seriousness recommend anyone eat at this establishment.

Wickedchili.ca scores a 4/10

Not at the Restaurant

1. Roland Barthes (Literary Theorist)
2. The estimated 320 persons of Indian origin living in Ho Chi Minh City
3. Brian mac Cennétig (High King of Ireland 1002-1014)
   

Rating: