A first glance, Banff and India have very little in common. On closer examination, there is a lot in common. Both are worlds of complete contradiction. India is a place of utter beauty set amongst a cesspool of poverty and filth. Banff is a cesspool of commercialism in a setting of utter beauty. Both are infectious disease nightmares. Both are probably overpopulated. Neither is exactly as advertized. India has touts that will claim to show you the “true India”, and then take you to their buddy’s hotel, where they receive kickbacks. Banff has Australians selling souvenir stuffed moose to Japanese tourists. Given the similarities, it’s probably not surprising that Banff has an Indian restaurant. We decided to check it out. (matt)
Of course, we were especially intrigued as Masala had been listed on the Calgary Health Region's restaurant closures page for nearly a year. Despite this, a few people we know claimed to have eaten there, so we wondered if there was some Baba-Ka-Dhaba-type mischief going on, or if maybe they just forgot to take them off of the closed list. That hardly seems fair. Getting closed down in the first place is probably bad enough for a restaurant's reputation, but being listed as shut down for months on end is probably a sign you need to change the name of the business and start over. However, for matty and I, being shut down is actually a badge of honour for a restaurant, so we were more than happy to make their acquaintance. (ren)
Ren’s fiancé had her bachelorette party planned, which meant Ren needed to get out of town to give the ladies a chance to let loose without him. The plan was for us to check out Masala in Banff. He had planned on picking me up in the early afternoon, but due to traffic and other delays, it turned out to be after 3PM. After stocking up on energy drinks and snacks, we headed out on the highway. It’s apparent that Ren must really be in love because as he was driving, he seemed to find the need to send text messages to his bride-to-be (during her stagette, mind you) every 5 minutes. Having just viewed the UK YouTube video campaign on the dangers of texting and driving, this didn’t impress me. I deducted 10 cool guy points from Ren’s score. I guess in his defense, at least this time he wasn’t driving while emailing me his engagement photos. Barf. (matt)
I think the fact that I can touch-type on my phone should buy me some extra leeway as far as the texting and driving goes. I'm sure I'm less distracted than matty is when he tries to drive while flipping the pages of Playboy (cause he's reading the articles you see) and "adjusting" himself. Talk about it being awkward riding shotgun. (ren)
Ren and I will almost always find an odd topic to discuss. Case in point on this occasion when, somewhere just before Canmore, Ren admitted that he knew very little of Charles Nelson Reilly’s work. I apparently knew far less as I proceeded to describe Charles Nelson Reilly as “that method actor who played Truman Capote in Capote.” Ren noted I was getting Charles Nelson Reilly mixed up with Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I conceded and then pointed out that I thought he was on a bad game show called Liar’s Club. In fact, I was getting Liar’s Club mixed up with the Match Game. Close enough I guess. (matt)
Matty probably thought my interest in Charles Nelson Reilly came out of the blue, however it was spurred on by his being mentioned numerous times in the song "Serrated Edge" by the Dead Milkmen which was playing on the stereo at the time. Of course, after our little discussion I decided I'd have to look him up as soon as I got home. This still has not happened and the only things I know about him is that A) he is not Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and B) the dead milkmen wanted to start a church in his honour, which for some reason involved a lot of orgies. (ren)
We arrived in Banff and made our way to the Rose n Crown’s rooftop patio for pre dinner beers. On a hot day in Banff there really is no better place. In addition to having a decent beer menu, it’s a great people watching patio. I’m always struck by the palpable sexual tension in Banff. People are on vacation, a little drunk, and more at ease with showing off their bodies. Where sweat pants and khakis usually rule, cleavage inducing shirts and short skirts with the occasional visible thong take over. And that’s just the men. Of course, neither Ren nor myself noted any of this. Nor did we comment on it. We were strictly in Banff for curry. (matt)
Well, curry and some tasty bevvies. There's really nothing more enjoyable than hanging out on a patio with a delicious cold one. Especially if that one becomes two or more. I could have definitely changed the plan to involve crashing in a hotel and getting completely pie-eyed. But that wouldn't have been professional. We were on a mission, and that mission was curry. (ren)
Curry. And t-shirt shops. Ren asked me to duck into a niche t-shirt shop with him. To say that we are celebrities would be inaccurate. That being said, when you get recognized based largely on your fan’s love of your website, you know you’ve made it. This was the case when Andi, one of our superfans ran into us in the t-shirt shop.
“What are you guys doing here?” asked Andi.
“Ah, we’re here for the curry,” we acknowledged.
“Awesome, I was just talking about your website...”
Ren is much more comfortable with his celebrity status than I am. I left him to chat up our superfan on his own while I disappeared out onto the main street. Besides wanting to avoid the paparazzi, I had another demon to fight. Having downed 3 ryes at the Rose n Crown in quick succession, my GERD reared its ugly head and I needed something to fight the heartburn. I curled up onto the sidewalk in the fetal position until a Japanese tourist comforted me with a reassuring caress. I then made my way into an adjacent coffee shop where I stole a to-go cup, filled it with milk and downed it. Then, back on the main street I let out the loudest belch ever. Park rangers issued bear warnings. (matt)
It's always fun running into people outside of the context you usually see them. Like running into one of your friends at their job. Or seeing one of your profs at the bar. Or bumping into your great-aunt at a swingers club. Once I was done chatting with Andi, I picked out a t-shirt for myself and another as a gift for my nephew. The guy behind the counter was impressed with my Dead Milkmen - Big Lizard In My Backyard t-shirt and said so. I think it's a good sign they you've still got "it" when the guy at the t-shirt shop admires your t-shirt. Either that or you're a big geek and are probably incredibly socially awkward. In this case, it's probably the latter. I don't think I ever had "it". (ren)
Still fighting the heartburn, I instructed Ren that we would need to find a pharmacy for some antacids. We quickly located Rexall on the lower level of Cascade Plaza. I asked for advice from Ren about choosing between various Tums products. I don’t know why I did that. It’s not like I have different training from him. Making our way out of the pharmacy, we walked through the food court of the mall and noticed Taste of Sri Lanka. We decided to get take out after we finished our reviewing Masala. (matt)
Well, actually, matty does have different training than me. Whereas I spent 7 years working in retail pharmacy, doing things like recommending tums to people with heartburn and selling Plan B to girls with the word "WHORE" written across their chests, matty has spent most of his career so far saving people from snakebites only so that they can get run over by a bus later that day. (ren)
I don’t know who goes to the movies in Banff (maybe the locals?), but Masala is located near the theatre and would make a decent dinner and movie option. We walked in to find the 3 hallmarks of a proper curry house: A) token Indian couple dressed in traditional garb (sari) enjoying a meal, B) token British tourist dressed in traditional garb (Team England kit) enjoying a meal and C) a large breasted Indian server wearing glittery t-shirt with the logo “Made in Paradise” strategically embossed. Okay, actually wait, scratch that. That list has nothing to do with curry houses. Those are actually Ren’s standby/alternate groomsmen. I always get those mixed up. Where is Charles Nelson Reilly when you need him? (matt)
The inside of Masala is nice enough. It's not the fanciest place we've ever been, but it's definitely not a place you'd suspect of having problems with the bureaucrats for their cleanliness. (ren)
We looked at the menu. This is Banff. Rice is 5 dollars. Enough said. (matt)
Sometimes when we go for curry, I feel like going out on a limb and trying something new and/or different. This was not one of those times. I wanted my butter chicken and I wanted it now. I also wanted rice to soak up the sauce. It takes a special kind of fiend to screw up rice and I thought sampling the naan was essential to getting an accurate impression of Masala's wares. Usually I just get both, but at $5 per it was one or the other for me. Seeing as I'd had 2 beers at the rose and crown, I probably had already exceeded my daily carb intake anyway. (ren)
I decided on Fish Masala and butter naan (also 5 dollars). Ren went with Butter Chicken and garlic naan. We were asked how we wanted our meals spiced. Ren went medium while I gambled with “the hot”. I’d say that you wouldn’t want to go much hotter than “the hot” because it got my nose running pretty quickly. This was not at the expense of flavour however. I would say that the fish masala here ranks pretty close to the fish masala I had in Queens. And that’s a good thing. Bravo! The naan, while overpriced, was quite nice. I also had a lassi which was decent. Ren, despite having eaten curry every day that week made good work of his dish. (matt)
The butter chicken was good. It was appropriately spiced at medium and was the right mix of creamy and tasty. I did miss the rice though. I just prefer it that way. Otherwise it's too much like eating soup. The naan was good. Definitely wasn't worth $5 though. Despite not having the "bulk" of the rice, I was still full by the end of the meal, so the portion size was certainly adequate for a main entree. (ren)
The food at Masala is good. But it's pricey. That should come as no surprise. We give Masala an 8.
Sometimes when we go for curry, I feel like going out on a limb and trying something new and/or different. This was not one of those times. I wanted my butter chicken and I wanted it now. I also wanted rice to soak up the sauce. It takes a special kind of fiend to screw up rice and I thought sampling the naan was essential to getting an accurate impression of Masala's wares. Usually I just get both, but at $5 per it was one or the other for me. Seeing as I'd had 2 beers at the rose and crown, I probably had already exceeded my daily carb intake anyway. (ren) 