Over 3 years ago, we gave a restaurant in the Sun Life Plaza Building a perfect score. Still to this day, it’s the only “10” we’ve ever given. That restaurant was Chutney. We must have cursed the place because within a year of giving Chutney our stamp of approval, it closed and was reopened under the name Royal India. There were unverified rumors about a falling out between the Chutney owners with the head chefs leaving to work elsewhere (GreenChili.ca?). John and Kate-like tabloid rumor-mill aside, we have always had a desire to try the new place to see if we could catch lightening in a bottle twice and hand out another 10. (matt)

I for one, never really agreed with our decision to give Chutney the perfect 10. It just felt wrong. Re-reading our review, I acknowledge that their score was well explained, and possibly was deserved. I just always felt weird about giving a perfect score to a restaurant that we had no intention of making regular visits to. I've got my favourite places, and I've got my back-up places for when I need variety, and Chutney never made either list. To be it was actually a blessing when they re-badged because I could profess ignorance towards the new establishment, and no longer had to justify our original impression. But, all good things must come to an end, including my personal ignorance of "Royal India", so the review must go on. (ren)

I decided to take the C-Train downtown. The train was packed full of hockey fans on their way to the Saddledome to watch a Hockey Canada scrimmage for the men’s Olympic team. Only in Canada would a practice scrimmage sell out an 18000 seat arena. Discussions and banter abounded on the train as fans speculated what our team will look like in February. (matt)

Remembering that the restaurant is relatively far away from the C-Train, and that downtown Calgary on a weekday evening is generally something of a ghost town I decided to drive myself. I was able to take my pick of dozens of seemingly available curbside spots. I was confused however when I got out of my car and noticed that there was a temporary "No Parking" sign zip-tied to the pole beside my car at ankle level. Being completely unsure whether this sign was actually active, whether it even applied to me, or whether it was aimed at toddlers driving power wheels jeeps, I decided to move up a couple spots worth and avoid trouble altogether. (ren)

I found Ren in front of the restaurant trying to make sense of the parking situation. After determining he didn’t have to pay, we made our way past Royal India’s patio and into the restaurant. This triggered a flashback to recent advertisements that Royal India is running on TV, where they invite you to “join us on our patio for a refreshing lessee”. Lessee? Maybe I haven’t been pronouncing it correctly, but that’s not a yoghurt beverage that I know.

The inside of the restaurant is tastefully decorated similar to how it was when it was Chutney. The massive buffet table sat idle as they only run it during the day. At night, it’s strictly ala cart. We flipped through the menu and noted that in content, not much has changed in 3 years. I ordered a “lassi”, while Ren went with water served in classy brass goblets. The lassi was okay but tasted a little off. Perhaps they decided to serve me a “lessee”. (Of note, my spell check doesn’t flag “lessee” as it apparently refers to somebody with a lease) They brought us some papadams which looked quite pre-manufactured. They were served with the requisite tamarind and lime pickle chutneys. Oddly however, the two chutneys were mixed together in the same bowl. Bizarre. (matt)

Since the first thing matty does when he receives two separate dishes of ANYTHING is stir them together to determine if they form a eutectic mixture, I thought it was nice of the staff to save him the trouble. Usually it's harmless things like chutneys, salt and pepper, oil and vinegar, curry and rice that matty ends up mixing together, but occasionally it's something more hazardous. I still remember the time he mixed windex together with bleach to make a "Super Cleaning Extravaganza". (ren)

Next we decided on an appetizer. We went for the meat platter for about $13. This pricey dish included Chinese like chicken balls (sans sweet n sour sauce), samosas which were very fresh and very warm, and some excellent fish pakoras. This platter would only be recommended if you had 4 or more people as there is quite a bit of food on there and you will almost certainly ruin your dinner otherwise. And let’s face it, you’ll just be disappointing your mother if you do that. (matt)

There's been many a day when I'm come home from work, opened up a bag of Oreos and proceeded to eat the entire thing while videotaping myself. Then I send the tape to my mother. Then she cries herself to sleep. (ren)

Picking an entrée was pretty easy for me having remembered the euphoric Chicken Dhansak experience I had at Chutney 3 years ago. Ren went with Chicken Tikka Masala. We also ordered Butter Chicken. When our meals arrived, the food smelled great. Unfortunately, there was an obvious disconnect between our requests, the wait staff and the kitchen staff, since the Chicken Dhansak I was presented with had no lentils. Plus it tasted like Chicken Tikka Masala. Ren, who actually had ordered Chicken Tikka Masala, was presented what appeared to be a hakka dish of Chili Chicken, complete with fresh ginger. Being presented with the wrong dish triggered horrible flashbacks of the Wickedchili.ca experience. I curled up into the fetal position on the floor until Ren provided me with a reassuring caress. Unlike the wickedchili.ca experience, what was provided to us was quite tasty. That being said, we still brought the matter to the attention of the waitress. Her response was that she “doesn’t know what goes into the dishes, she just tells the kitchen what we order and they cook it”. I wondered what would happen if a patron needed clarification of a menu item before ordering. Did she plan on bringing out the chef to tell people what went into their potential dish? Or did she just refer them back to the description in the menu? Either way, it was a poor service response to our request. (matt)

The most troubling thing about the mix-up, was that we weren't completely sure that we were wrong. I've personally eaten chicken tikka masalas that have a similar amount of peppers and onions as this dish did. The ginger was more than a little bizarre though. Tasty, but not traditional CTM by any means. And honestly, matt's dish could have been dhansak, but with the lentils pureed unrecognizably into the sauce. I'm not saying that that's for sure what happened, but it's possible. The waitress certainly could have been more helpful in allaying our fears though. Possibly by fluffing our pillows, tucking us in and checking under the bed for monsters. (ren)

As we dined, we noted what appeared to a very sophisticated senior citizen dining by himself at a nearby table. Wearing a suit and tie, he was enjoying an Indian beer with some samosas. We imagined that he was likely some type of naval historian who was writing a novel about his experience in the Royal Navy. He probably did occasional guest lectures at community colleges and war museums. I had also decided that I would rather have him as my waiter than what was being furnished by Royal India. Sure, he might not know more than our waitress about the content of the dishes, but at least he could entertain us with stories about when his mates had too much rum or various interactions with the locals while rounding the Cape of Good Hope. (matt)

The experience at Royal India was a little on the disappointing side. In addition to the poor service, the price tag was a bit on the high side. The food, while okay, wasn’t up to the standard set by the previous occupant of the address. We give Royal India a 6, maybe it could be a 7, compared to Chutney's "10", the mighty have certainly fallen.

Not at the restaurant

• Gene Hackman (Will save his family from a sinking battleship)

• Arturs Irbe (Goalie, Team Latvia)

• Miss Judy (From Miss Judy’s Farm)

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